Showing posts with label Adopting a toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adopting a toddler. Show all posts

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Hope

This post is part two of our adoption story in country. You can read part one HERE


"And then...they brought us our son."

I will refer to our boy as "N" for the time being.

As we sat waiting in an entrance way, with our luggage stacked by the door, a nanny appeared with a little, 3 year old, grinning, blue-eyed, ball of energy! It is difficult to describe the thoughts and emotions swirling through me at that moment. There were other people there as it is the waiting area for the treatment side of the facility as well. The adults in the room were all smiles, and they were perfectly happy to let their children interact with N. 

N's caretakers kept trying to introduce us as "Mama" and "Papa," but N was too busy exploring to care. We had very few things accessible from our luggage, but I pulled out a container of bubbles. I was sure he'd be fascinated with them, but N just thought I was crazy. Why would he sit still and look at soap bubbles when there was a suitcase there? He didn't much care what was *IN* the suitcase as much as he enjoyed playing with the zippers. I just watched and chuckled as he would unzip and zip the suitcase and the outside pocket, over and over again. We grabbed a ball from the ball pit, and he discovered the hilariously fun game of, "throw the ball and watch Daddy go get it!" 

It wasn't long before they had to take him away for lunch. He didn't want to leave, but we promised to be back. We dropped off our luggage at our apartment, ate lunch and bought some bananas, cookies and juice to bring to the afternoon visit. When we got back to the orphanage (after only getting slightly lost), we were able to take N outside to play. That was where we discovered the slide. I wasn't entirely sure he could climb the stairs with his cp, so I helped him up. Each time he got settled on a step, I would say, "step" and he would step again. Then, he started repeating after me, "step! step!" and taking steps each time. I loved it. Daddy was catching him at the end. It was a pretty fast little slide and I worried that he would be scared, but he loved it and kept coming back to do it over and over again. 

We fed him the banana, and a couple little cookies, and gave him a juice box. He knew was juice was, but has clearly never had it in a box with a straw. Because N has a type of cerebral palsy, it was hard for him to drink the juice, but he sure gave it his best effort. We enjoyed our visit with him, and I began to feel an enormous calm about the situation. 

Now, for the way this all came about. 

Little N was born in a certain country that has recently banned adoptions by Americans. His parents, however, were not citizens of that country. When he was refused at the hospital, he entered a baby house there. In Eastern Europe, a person's citizenship is not so much based on where they are born, but on the parents' citizenship. There is also a law that states that citizens of other countries cannot be kept in the orphanages of other countries. And so, last year, all the paperwork was completed and little N was brought to this country and this orphanage. I do not know if his parents were from this region, or if he simply went where there was room. But either way, little N was given a chance. Had he remained in the other country, it would have been impossible for him to be adopted. In the year since he has been here, one domestic family came to see him, but could not accept his cp. And then, we came, specifically looking for a child with cp, and through the most excruciating, round-about process, ended up here. No advocacy groups come here. Most kids with special needs get foster families here...but certain disabilities are still very hard to place. The ones people can see with their eyes are the hardest. And so, little N waited. I never could have imagined how this process would unfold, but God knew. 

We attend a small branch of our church here, with English speaking missionaries. Last Sunday, a woman introduced herself, and told us that years ago, she placed her grandson for adoption because she could not care for him properly. He was adopted by an American family of our faith. He is now an adult, and is coming back here to serve a two year mission. She was so very proud, and so thankful for his family. She said the same family also adopted another boy who had problems with his legs. His future was pretty grim in this country, but after being adopted, he received two surgeries and is now an impressive hockey player! It's stories like this, and more importantly, the people sharing them, that have stirred my heart and strengthened my faith beyond what I could have imagined. 

Where I once felt anguish, I now feel hope....and joy. I cannot publicly show N's face until after court, but this one sums it all up. This was the first time I held out my arms and said, "N, hug Mama?" He thought about it a second, smiled, and ran into my arms. I am so thankful that my husband took this picture. It is my favorite. 












Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Oh!...uhhhh....hmmm...REALLY?

This is about the reaction I get when I mention adopting a special needs child from overseas. It's not an unexpected reaction. After all, anyone who knows me knows my four kids certainly keep me busy. That's an understatement. They are four exceptionally strong spirits. I don't have any who will sit quietly and color or look at a quiet book in church. I don't have any who shape up their behavior with a simple look from Mom. I don't have any who are particularly quiet (don't let M fool you, she's the loudest one). And it's not for lack of trying. We've read the books and tried all the tricks, bribes, etc and it only made our kids think that every act of kindness and benevolence deserves a reward. We don't want our kids to think that way. And so, every trip to the grocery store and every Sunday church service are exhausting.

So why would we even consider adoption? Don't we have enough going on in our lives? Aren't our kids enough? Isn't our house full? Don't we know how "messed up" those adopted kids will be? Are we crazy?

The short answer to most of the above questions is, "Yes!" 

We have plenty going on in our lives...but so does everyone else I know, including single people. Everyone, regardless of family size, ensures they are as busy as they feel comfortable being. This is a very fluid thing. Some people feel their life is full and busy if they go to work and come home to an empty house. Others feel their life is full and busy if they are driving to three different sporting events in a week. Still others feel their life is full and busy if they are loading up twelve kids for sports, drama club, band and doctor's appointments. So this is really all a matter of perspective. Everyone is busy and needs breaks every now and again, but most would find time for more if the "more" really mattered to them.

Our kids are most certainly "enough." More than enough. I am absolutely fulfilled as a mother with the four children God has seen fit to send to me. And interestingly enough, I have felt completely fulfilled after each and every one of them. I was happy with one and could not imagine loving another child as much....then I had number two and felt the same...then three...then four. They have all been "enough" for me. They have all challenged me and made me look at life a little differently. They are all worth every sacrifice, every embarrassing grocery trip and every sleepless night. Our adopted child (whenever he/she is made known to us) will be as well. I didn't fall in love with my kids during pregnancy. I cared for them, but I didn't have the overwhelming love for them until I started caring for them after birth. I had to figure out what each child liked and how to soothe them. I had to get to know them. But within twenty-four hours, it happened. I fell deeply an madly in love with each of them. I expect it will take longer with an adopted child, but I also feel that it will happen through meeting his/her needs. After all, we love those whom we serve. We serve our children most of all and that is true whether we give birth to them or not.

Our house is definitely full. We have two people in each room. But we can make room. One of my sons said the most profound thing one day when I was looking at photolistings. He saw two brothers who needed a home and asked, "Are they orphans?" I said they were. He said, "Let's adopt them." I told him it was a little more complicated than that and he replied, "Look, they need a home and we have plenty of room." Right then, I looked at my home with different eyes. The only reason we couldn't fit more children into this home is if we value "stuff" more than them. We can certainly do without some of the "stuff" that is cluttering up the place.

We are aware that adopting a child, particularly past the infant/toddler age will involve new challenges. We are aware of Reactive Attachment Disorder. We are very aware that our adopted child will have suffered the trauma of being abandoned by his/her birth parents, raised in an orphanage setting, and then taken away to a family of people who are strangers and do not speak his/her language. We know that this will be a challenge like no other. We do not think it will be easy. We know our adopted child will have issues...but tell me one person you know who doesn't? They will be different issues from our biological children, but that doesn't mean we will care any less. We have access to wonderful medical care for physical special needs and we believe in utilizing mental health professionals as needed. It's a fair bet that any child we adopt will need some counseling and we are ready and willing to ensure they (as well as the rest of the family) get it.

Yes, we are crazy, but we don't think that is such a bad thing. We know how to have fun. Impromptu dance party anyone?

 We know that we aren't what most people think of when they imagine an adoptive family, but we feel we can make room at our table and in our hearts for one more child. With all we enjoy in our lives, how could we say no?

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Meet Ryan!


Please allow me to introduce you to Ryan. Isn't he adorable? This strikingly cute boy is only 21 months old. What a great age to come into a family!  Ryan has Down Syndrome and as a result, he has a heart condition for which he has had surgery. His description says he is doing well post-surgery.
 Little Ryan has the most beautiful eyes. Imagine the feeling in his Mama's heart when he looks at her with those big, bright, blue eyes. This little guy will melt hearts everywhere. He needs a Mama to scoop him up, nuzzle that soft blonde baby hair, and kiss those adorable cheeks. Ryan looks to be only slightly smaller than my own 23 month old (and this picture could be a few months old). This is a great sign that he has been well cared for....though only a family can give him the kind of love and attention he needs and deserves. Could Ryan be your boy? 
You can help Ryan by clicking on his name and donating to his adoption grant. You can also share Ryan's photolisting on your own blog or social networking page. Help Ryan's Mama and Papa find him! And of course, if you are considering adoption, please consider whether Ryan is your child. 
http://reecesrainbow.org/41040/ryan