Today we received all the paperwork and instructions for our dossier. It took 3 email attachments to get it all to us...eek! Not that I didn't know this was going to happen, but something about actually seeing it all drives home just how in-depth a process this will really be. But never fear! We are on top of it. It WILL get completed. How? One form, one notary at a time.
We are also in the middle of a home study and should have our first visit in the next couple of days. And of course, that means even more paper chasing...fun! It also means we have to begin "the great migration." O.k. so that may be a bit of an overstatement, but moving bedrooms when kids are involved can sure feel like a cross-country move.
So how are my bio kids handling everything?
I am glad you asked! They are hilarious about it all. M asks constantly when "the girl in the pony shirt is going to come?" and she is beyond thrilled at getting a bunk bed to share with E. This means they are big like their brothers you know. M is still trying to figure out how this 6 year old is going to come out of my stomach....she hasn't figured out adoption versus birth. And find it all quite endearing.
A is pretty laid back about the whole thing and has taken to calling Carolina "California." It reminds me of the Jodee Messina song, "Heads, Carolina Tails California." He has a hard time understanding the orphan situation and why parents would not choose to raise their special needs children. I get a kick out of hearing him say, "Awwww...so cute!" over and over as he looks at the RR site. Don't let his tough, macho 11 year old going on 20 facade fool you. He's a softee.
R is a bit different. He is a spectrum kid and he had it in his head that we were adopting a little brother for him (which was our original intent, but we were led to a girl). He has finally started coming around about it and he understands that we feel Heavenly Father led us to this child....but he's now lobbying for us to bring home a boy too. We only intend to adopt one, but his determination is priceless. This is the kid who claimed he would not love our now 2 year old if she was not a boy. Right....he loves that child more than I ever thought possible for a little boy of his age. She is HIS baby you know;)
And that brings us to little E. She isn't quite sure what adoption means, but she likes the idea of picking out a new child to come live here...a GIRL of course. She wants to like everything sister M likes. In all likelihood, she really won't remember a time when C was not with us and that will be a very special thing.
And now you know a little bit about the dynamics in our household. Pretty normal in a crazy, zany, off the wall kind of way.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
In awe..
We are finally able to announce that we are Carolina's family! We are thrilled to be bringing this sweet girl home to be loved, receive an education, receive therapy, and all the other things she is missing out on by living in an orphanage. This is an exciting day for us, though it marks the beginning of a TON of paperwork...but we are up to the challenge! She is absolutely worth it.
This day would not be possible without the support of some very special anonymous donors who helped us raise the funds we needed to get started. We are forever grateful for those wonderful people who look for ways to help others. It's a very humbling experience to have to fundraise, but I know that God is in control and this experience will be for our benefit. I cannot count how many times I prayed to know what we should do and was granted peace. I cried tears of joy and gratitude when I received a large donation just at the point when we thought we would have to release commitment. There are truly angels among us.
To quote Toy Story 3...."And we are eternally grateful."
This day would not be possible without the support of some very special anonymous donors who helped us raise the funds we needed to get started. We are forever grateful for those wonderful people who look for ways to help others. It's a very humbling experience to have to fundraise, but I know that God is in control and this experience will be for our benefit. I cannot count how many times I prayed to know what we should do and was granted peace. I cried tears of joy and gratitude when I received a large donation just at the point when we thought we would have to release commitment. There are truly angels among us.
To quote Toy Story 3...."And we are eternally grateful."
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's Angel Tree season!
For those of you who may not know, November and December are very special over at Reece's Rainbow. During these two months, hundreds of advocates work like crazy to raise funds for the children listed on the Angel Tree. The children listed on Angel Tree are typically ones who have little money in their grant funds or those who have been listed for a long time but whose disabilities or country regulations make it difficult to find families for them. Each child listed on Angel Tree has at least one "Angel Tree Warrior" who advocates for that one child and tries to raise $1,000 for him/her by Christmas. It's a tall order to be sure, but these Warriors work selflessly to get it done for these precious, forgotten children.
One such warrior is Randi over at What is My Life Worth? Randi is raising money for little Lene. And check out the picture on her page! Sweet Lene is holding her hands out as if to say, "Mama! Hold me!" She is a beautiful 2 year old little girl with Down Syndrome. Lene is from a Latin American country and is available for adoption by married couples, single women and large families. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Lene's family found her during Angel Tree? Three little Angels have been so blessed already, and it has only been one week. But if you donate a few dollars to Lene's grant, Randi will enter you into her giveaway which has lots of great prizes including Christmas wreaths, hairbows, and many others.
To view all the children listed on the Angel Tree, click on the button on my right sidebar. Be prepared for a cuteness overload. If you donate $35 or more to a child through their Angel Tree button, you can have an ornament sent to you with that child's picture on it to hang on your tree. What a special way to celebrate the Holiday Season. Why not start a family tradition this year of donating to a child? Little children are particularly sensitive to the needs of other children. It is a precious thing to see them caring for others and hanging those special ornaments on the tree. So involve the whole family and make a difference in the life of an orphan child...and make a forever impression on your family's heart.
One such warrior is Randi over at What is My Life Worth? Randi is raising money for little Lene. And check out the picture on her page! Sweet Lene is holding her hands out as if to say, "Mama! Hold me!" She is a beautiful 2 year old little girl with Down Syndrome. Lene is from a Latin American country and is available for adoption by married couples, single women and large families. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Lene's family found her during Angel Tree? Three little Angels have been so blessed already, and it has only been one week. But if you donate a few dollars to Lene's grant, Randi will enter you into her giveaway which has lots of great prizes including Christmas wreaths, hairbows, and many others.
To view all the children listed on the Angel Tree, click on the button on my right sidebar. Be prepared for a cuteness overload. If you donate $35 or more to a child through their Angel Tree button, you can have an ornament sent to you with that child's picture on it to hang on your tree. What a special way to celebrate the Holiday Season. Why not start a family tradition this year of donating to a child? Little children are particularly sensitive to the needs of other children. It is a precious thing to see them caring for others and hanging those special ornaments on the tree. So involve the whole family and make a difference in the life of an orphan child...and make a forever impression on your family's heart.
Monday, November 5, 2012
The "Why's"
I imagine that every adoptive family is hit with the question of "why?" at some point or another. If that family already has children and chooses international adoption, well, the "Why?" quickly turns into "WHY ON EARTH?!" This is an understandable reaction, so I will attempt to break down the one big "WHY?" Into smaller "why's" in order to shed some light on our thought process.
Why would you adopt when you already have kids?
While adoption is a beautiful way to become first-time parents, the reality is that there are far more children who need families than there are child-less couples who want to adopt them. When a child is over four and/or has special needs, the odds of a child being chosen by first-time parents, drops significantly. After four children, we have learned that the true bond between parent and child is cemented in the home through daily care and interaction. There really are three options for kids who are waiting in orphanages. Number one is to wait until they are chosen by a child-less couple. Number two is to be adopted by families who have other children. Number three is to remain exactly where they are without the love of a family. Those really are the options. For us, adoption is not about feeling we don't have enough. It is about realizing we are truly blessed beyond measure and desiring to do what we believe our Father in Heaven would want us to do to aid HIS children. We don't think it is what EVERYONE should do, but we feel it is what WE need to do.
Why not wait until your kids are older?
Very good question. In fact, that was sort of "the plan." We figured we would wait until later to adopt when we were hopefully a two income family and maybe even living in a bigger house with acreage. It was a good plan. It was a righteous plan. But something just kept tugging at my heart. It was actually my husband who said one day that we could look into adoption. This really surprised me. Not that I hadn't thought about it many times before, but that HE would bring it up. As I thought about it, I was reminded of all the years I have served in the nursery and Primary programs at church. I once asked why they saw fit to always ask the women with young kids at home to do those jobs? The answer made quite an impact on me and my attitude. It was simply, "Because women who no longer have little kids tend to forget just how to come down to their level and teach them." As I thought on our adoption, that answer was brought to my remembrance and I realized that it would not take long after my kids got older for me to "move on" mentally and forget the details of raising little ones.
In addition, siblings are some of the best friends and gifts a child can ever have. I could raise an adopted child when my others kids were grown, but he/she would miss out on the experiences that only siblings bring. And my biological children would miss out on the opportunity to learn about service, sacrifice, and true Christ-like love that they are experiencing now.
Why don't you just adopt here in the United States from Foster Care?
The short answer to this is, "Because the Lord sent us elsewhere." But the answer is a bit deeper. I have friends who have fostered and some who have been able to grow their families through foster to adopt. I admire these people very much. We considered this program as well. I am quite sure I could not abide by the ridiculous levels of "privacy" that are rigged into the system to protect the birth families. I would not fare well with raising children and having them taken away at any time...possibly returned to the deplorable conditions from which they were removed.
Fostering and adoption are really two different things. I heard it phrased once, "do foster care to foster and adoption to adopt." If a family intends to ADOPT a child, then they need to be pursuing ADOPTION, not foster care as the ideal end-game of foster care is to place the child back with the birth family or a biological relative. There are many amazing families who love foster care and have adopted from the system, but it is not for everyone, just as international adoption is not for everyone.
Why aren't you concerned with all the needy kids here in the U.S.?
I am concerned with them. I have a goal to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate one day for children "in the system" here. But as for the idea that kids here are somehow more deserving of a loving home and family than those overseas? I can only say that I am certainly grateful that my Savior, Jesus Christ didn't feel that way. Otherwise perhaps He would only have sacrificed himself for the people from Nazareth. Think about that. As an American and and Army veteran, I am fiercely patriotic. But as a Christian, I know that God is no respecter of persons and I should not be either. I'll go where He tells me to go.
Why are you fundraising?
It seems a lot of people have this idea that needing to raise funds to adopt means a family cannot afford to have more children. These people likely don't know how much adoption actually costs. Depending on the country, adopting one child can run from about $12,000 to over $60,000. Not many families have that kind of cash sitting around. In the adoption community, the fees required to save a child are often referred to as "raising a ransom." And that is exactly how it feels. The hurdles can seem insurmountable.
There are people who feel, "If you can't afford it, then maybe you shouldn't adopt." To those people I say, "If you cannot buy your house or your car outright, perhaps you should not have one." The fact is, most families who step out in faith to adopt an orphan CAN afford to raise them. It's just getting them through all the red tape and home that presents a barrier. For instance, one requirement for an international adoption is fingerprinting of every adult in the home. This costs $50/person or so. But then there is the form that must be sent in with said fingerprints. That form that goes to USCIS costs $800. FOR ONE FORM. And that is just what goes into the U.S. side of things. There are generally agency fees which run around $24,000 and then in-country fees for drivers, lodging, food, airfare, medical evals, court fees, embassy and passport paperwork, and I am sure I am forgetting a bunch. So yeah, if only those "who could afford it" adopted these kids, it's doubtful that ANY of them would know the love of a family.
Why are you always posting stuff about orphans on Facebook?
The only answer I can give here is that once your eyes are opened to a need, it's hard to be quiet about it. You want to shout it from the rooftops. You want others to care even though they'd rather look away. And that is what happened to me. I couldn't look away anymore. I may not be able to get anyone else to take up the cause of advocacy, but I cannot be silent. If something I post gets a waiting child just a little more exposure so his/her family can find them, it's worthwhile. If it makes just one person look at their life and re-evaluate "needs" then it is worthwhile. If one person contributes to an adoption fund for one child, it is worthwhile. Surely these children are some of "the least of these" spoken of by Jesus Christ. How can I turn my back on them?
Why would you adopt when you already have kids?
While adoption is a beautiful way to become first-time parents, the reality is that there are far more children who need families than there are child-less couples who want to adopt them. When a child is over four and/or has special needs, the odds of a child being chosen by first-time parents, drops significantly. After four children, we have learned that the true bond between parent and child is cemented in the home through daily care and interaction. There really are three options for kids who are waiting in orphanages. Number one is to wait until they are chosen by a child-less couple. Number two is to be adopted by families who have other children. Number three is to remain exactly where they are without the love of a family. Those really are the options. For us, adoption is not about feeling we don't have enough. It is about realizing we are truly blessed beyond measure and desiring to do what we believe our Father in Heaven would want us to do to aid HIS children. We don't think it is what EVERYONE should do, but we feel it is what WE need to do.
Why not wait until your kids are older?
Very good question. In fact, that was sort of "the plan." We figured we would wait until later to adopt when we were hopefully a two income family and maybe even living in a bigger house with acreage. It was a good plan. It was a righteous plan. But something just kept tugging at my heart. It was actually my husband who said one day that we could look into adoption. This really surprised me. Not that I hadn't thought about it many times before, but that HE would bring it up. As I thought about it, I was reminded of all the years I have served in the nursery and Primary programs at church. I once asked why they saw fit to always ask the women with young kids at home to do those jobs? The answer made quite an impact on me and my attitude. It was simply, "Because women who no longer have little kids tend to forget just how to come down to their level and teach them." As I thought on our adoption, that answer was brought to my remembrance and I realized that it would not take long after my kids got older for me to "move on" mentally and forget the details of raising little ones.
In addition, siblings are some of the best friends and gifts a child can ever have. I could raise an adopted child when my others kids were grown, but he/she would miss out on the experiences that only siblings bring. And my biological children would miss out on the opportunity to learn about service, sacrifice, and true Christ-like love that they are experiencing now.
Why don't you just adopt here in the United States from Foster Care?
The short answer to this is, "Because the Lord sent us elsewhere." But the answer is a bit deeper. I have friends who have fostered and some who have been able to grow their families through foster to adopt. I admire these people very much. We considered this program as well. I am quite sure I could not abide by the ridiculous levels of "privacy" that are rigged into the system to protect the birth families. I would not fare well with raising children and having them taken away at any time...possibly returned to the deplorable conditions from which they were removed.
Fostering and adoption are really two different things. I heard it phrased once, "do foster care to foster and adoption to adopt." If a family intends to ADOPT a child, then they need to be pursuing ADOPTION, not foster care as the ideal end-game of foster care is to place the child back with the birth family or a biological relative. There are many amazing families who love foster care and have adopted from the system, but it is not for everyone, just as international adoption is not for everyone.
Why aren't you concerned with all the needy kids here in the U.S.?
I am concerned with them. I have a goal to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate one day for children "in the system" here. But as for the idea that kids here are somehow more deserving of a loving home and family than those overseas? I can only say that I am certainly grateful that my Savior, Jesus Christ didn't feel that way. Otherwise perhaps He would only have sacrificed himself for the people from Nazareth. Think about that. As an American and and Army veteran, I am fiercely patriotic. But as a Christian, I know that God is no respecter of persons and I should not be either. I'll go where He tells me to go.
Why are you fundraising?
It seems a lot of people have this idea that needing to raise funds to adopt means a family cannot afford to have more children. These people likely don't know how much adoption actually costs. Depending on the country, adopting one child can run from about $12,000 to over $60,000. Not many families have that kind of cash sitting around. In the adoption community, the fees required to save a child are often referred to as "raising a ransom." And that is exactly how it feels. The hurdles can seem insurmountable.
There are people who feel, "If you can't afford it, then maybe you shouldn't adopt." To those people I say, "If you cannot buy your house or your car outright, perhaps you should not have one." The fact is, most families who step out in faith to adopt an orphan CAN afford to raise them. It's just getting them through all the red tape and home that presents a barrier. For instance, one requirement for an international adoption is fingerprinting of every adult in the home. This costs $50/person or so. But then there is the form that must be sent in with said fingerprints. That form that goes to USCIS costs $800. FOR ONE FORM. And that is just what goes into the U.S. side of things. There are generally agency fees which run around $24,000 and then in-country fees for drivers, lodging, food, airfare, medical evals, court fees, embassy and passport paperwork, and I am sure I am forgetting a bunch. So yeah, if only those "who could afford it" adopted these kids, it's doubtful that ANY of them would know the love of a family.
Why are you always posting stuff about orphans on Facebook?
The only answer I can give here is that once your eyes are opened to a need, it's hard to be quiet about it. You want to shout it from the rooftops. You want others to care even though they'd rather look away. And that is what happened to me. I couldn't look away anymore. I may not be able to get anyone else to take up the cause of advocacy, but I cannot be silent. If something I post gets a waiting child just a little more exposure so his/her family can find them, it's worthwhile. If it makes just one person look at their life and re-evaluate "needs" then it is worthwhile. If one person contributes to an adoption fund for one child, it is worthwhile. Surely these children are some of "the least of these" spoken of by Jesus Christ. How can I turn my back on them?
Saturday, November 3, 2012
When it rains...trees fall!
I have been pretty quiet on here about our own adoption progress. This is because there wasn't much I could share. I am excited to announce that we have selected a child to pursue from Reece's Rainbow. When I think of this sweet child being denied a family, an education, love, affection and all the typical experiences of childhood, I am heartbroken. So we had many discussions and prayed countless prayers. One child remained in our hearts. We knew that this was our child.
And so we sent our paperwork in to commit. It involved moving some money around. We got things moving quickly and then....One of our vehicles started to die. It was severe engine trouble in a 15 year old vehicle. Most people would have scrapped it at that point, but we believe in making things work for as long as possible, so we were babying it along and it seemed like it just might make a come-back...and then...a windstorm blew through here and a giant tree limb fell on said car, thus finishing it off and necessitating the removal of said tree. $$ But we were not deterred. We continued with the paperwork and the payments and then...the furnace died. Yep, quit lighting up and started blowing cold air. Great. Just great. We know that when something good is in the works, Satan tries his best to stop it. We are in a real bind now. We still wish to move forward, but we need just a little help to get the fees so that we can get our paperwork submitted. We are tightening our belts and selling all that we can to try and make the ransom for one precious child.
If you feel led, we would appreciate any help on our chip in. Every single dollar helps. I don't have any great prizes to offer, but if you make a donation in any amount, you may submit a name in the comments for us to vote on....who knows? You may end up naming our girl! Obviously, inappropriate names or names that would subject her to ridicule will be vetoed.
If my local friends wish to hire Ammon for any of their plumbing/home improvement projects, I am renting him out to help raise funds. We have local references who will attest to the great job he does.
If any local friends wish to have home-cooked meals delivered for their family in lieu of pizza, I am also starting a page where you can order main dishes, sides and desserts to be delivered hot at dinner time or freezer-ready for future quick meals. You all know I love to cook and I take requests for all special diets as well.
And finally, my friend Valerie over at From The Trenches of Adoption has come up with a DELICIOUS Holiday Chocolate fundraiser and recruited some other ladies from our church to help, so we have LOTS in the works to raise the rest of the ransom for our child, we just need a little help over this hurdle. The question mark at the top of my page, will be replaced with our child's picture as soon as we are able to announce....I promise, you will find her adorable, just as we do. We welcome you to follow our journey. Cheer with us, cry with us, and please do pray for us. We ask for your prayers most of all. It is a lot to do and it's quite akin to jumping off of a cliff, but her life is worth it.
And so we sent our paperwork in to commit. It involved moving some money around. We got things moving quickly and then....One of our vehicles started to die. It was severe engine trouble in a 15 year old vehicle. Most people would have scrapped it at that point, but we believe in making things work for as long as possible, so we were babying it along and it seemed like it just might make a come-back...and then...a windstorm blew through here and a giant tree limb fell on said car, thus finishing it off and necessitating the removal of said tree. $$ But we were not deterred. We continued with the paperwork and the payments and then...the furnace died. Yep, quit lighting up and started blowing cold air. Great. Just great. We know that when something good is in the works, Satan tries his best to stop it. We are in a real bind now. We still wish to move forward, but we need just a little help to get the fees so that we can get our paperwork submitted. We are tightening our belts and selling all that we can to try and make the ransom for one precious child.
If you feel led, we would appreciate any help on our chip in. Every single dollar helps. I don't have any great prizes to offer, but if you make a donation in any amount, you may submit a name in the comments for us to vote on....who knows? You may end up naming our girl! Obviously, inappropriate names or names that would subject her to ridicule will be vetoed.
If my local friends wish to hire Ammon for any of their plumbing/home improvement projects, I am renting him out to help raise funds. We have local references who will attest to the great job he does.
If any local friends wish to have home-cooked meals delivered for their family in lieu of pizza, I am also starting a page where you can order main dishes, sides and desserts to be delivered hot at dinner time or freezer-ready for future quick meals. You all know I love to cook and I take requests for all special diets as well.
And finally, my friend Valerie over at From The Trenches of Adoption has come up with a DELICIOUS Holiday Chocolate fundraiser and recruited some other ladies from our church to help, so we have LOTS in the works to raise the rest of the ransom for our child, we just need a little help over this hurdle. The question mark at the top of my page, will be replaced with our child's picture as soon as we are able to announce....I promise, you will find her adorable, just as we do. We welcome you to follow our journey. Cheer with us, cry with us, and please do pray for us. We ask for your prayers most of all. It is a lot to do and it's quite akin to jumping off of a cliff, but her life is worth it.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Help the Morse Family!
In the relatively short time that I have been involved with Reece's Rainbow Advocacy, I have seen several families travel and come home with lovely new children. During this time, I have seen Priscilla Morse auction off more hairbows than I could possibly count. She is persistent, relentless even, about getting her sweet daughter home. I have seen her become fully funded, only to end up having to throw several thousand dollars down the drain for extra medical exams for a lung nodule that had already been deemed benign. After she paid that and got the paperwork in country, someone contacted her saying that a doctor over there would need to examine her...at a cost of $1,000 of course. She did it. On this trip, Priscilla and her husband were named the legal parents of their daughter. Sweet Kenzi has a heart condition that needs immediate medical attention. Priscilla made sure that her little girl was already scheduled to see the best cardiologist in their area. The 30 day wait was waved for them so that she could get the care to save her life. And then, the bottom fell out again. The adoption agency had not bothered to submit the paperwork to the bureau of vital statistics to allow Priscilla and Dave to get her new birth certificate. The agency felt that since no one has ever had the wait waved before, it wasn't worth trying. This not only means that there will be a third trip to pay for, but also that their previous flights had to be cancelled and rescheduled. As if this wasn't enough of a nightmare, a hurricane forced the cancellation of their new flight home. Again, completely nonrefundable. Now they are struggling to get home and for Priscilla to return later in November to finally bring their daughter home.
There is nothing we can do about the poor service from the adoption agency. There is nothing we can do to change the amount of hoops that this family has had and still has to jump through on this journey. But we can help relieve their burden. Priscilla is sick right now. She has picked up a parasite or something in country and is very ill on top of all the worry and stress. Please, above all else, Pray. Pray for her physical strength. Pray for her husband, David, as he tries to be strong for her but also feels helpless in all of this. Pray for the funds to come through for Priscilla to get Kenzi home without further delay. And if you fell led, even the smallest donation would relieve some of their stress and let them know that people care.
If you would like to make a tax deductible donation to the Morse family, you can do so through their Reece's Rainbow FSP.
http://reecesrainbow.org/29701/sponsormorse
If you would like to make a Chip In contribution that will be available for their immediate use, you can click on the link located on the right hand side of their blog.
http://love--conquers--all.blogspot.com/
Priscilla is doing another auction when they get home, so if you have any items that you would like to donate to that, please comment here on on the Morse blog.
I know that Priscilla and Dave will be grateful for any help you can give, ESPECIALLY PRAYERS.
There is nothing we can do about the poor service from the adoption agency. There is nothing we can do to change the amount of hoops that this family has had and still has to jump through on this journey. But we can help relieve their burden. Priscilla is sick right now. She has picked up a parasite or something in country and is very ill on top of all the worry and stress. Please, above all else, Pray. Pray for her physical strength. Pray for her husband, David, as he tries to be strong for her but also feels helpless in all of this. Pray for the funds to come through for Priscilla to get Kenzi home without further delay. And if you fell led, even the smallest donation would relieve some of their stress and let them know that people care.
If you would like to make a tax deductible donation to the Morse family, you can do so through their Reece's Rainbow FSP.
http://reecesrainbow.org/29701/sponsormorse
If you would like to make a Chip In contribution that will be available for their immediate use, you can click on the link located on the right hand side of their blog.
http://love--conquers--all.blogspot.com/
Priscilla is doing another auction when they get home, so if you have any items that you would like to donate to that, please comment here on on the Morse blog.
I know that Priscilla and Dave will be grateful for any help you can give, ESPECIALLY PRAYERS.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Oh!...uhhhh....hmmm...REALLY?
This is about the reaction I get when I mention adopting a special needs child from overseas. It's not an unexpected reaction. After all, anyone who knows me knows my four kids certainly keep me busy. That's an understatement. They are four exceptionally strong spirits. I don't have any who will sit quietly and color or look at a quiet book in church. I don't have any who shape up their behavior with a simple look from Mom. I don't have any who are particularly quiet (don't let M fool you, she's the loudest one). And it's not for lack of trying. We've read the books and tried all the tricks, bribes, etc and it only made our kids think that every act of kindness and benevolence deserves a reward. We don't want our kids to think that way. And so, every trip to the grocery store and every Sunday church service are exhausting.
So why would we even consider adoption? Don't we have enough going on in our lives? Aren't our kids enough? Isn't our house full? Don't we know how "messed up" those adopted kids will be? Are we crazy?
The short answer to most of the above questions is, "Yes!"
We have plenty going on in our lives...but so does everyone else I know, including single people. Everyone, regardless of family size, ensures they are as busy as they feel comfortable being. This is a very fluid thing. Some people feel their life is full and busy if they go to work and come home to an empty house. Others feel their life is full and busy if they are driving to three different sporting events in a week. Still others feel their life is full and busy if they are loading up twelve kids for sports, drama club, band and doctor's appointments. So this is really all a matter of perspective. Everyone is busy and needs breaks every now and again, but most would find time for more if the "more" really mattered to them.
Our kids are most certainly "enough." More than enough. I am absolutely fulfilled as a mother with the four children God has seen fit to send to me. And interestingly enough, I have felt completely fulfilled after each and every one of them. I was happy with one and could not imagine loving another child as much....then I had number two and felt the same...then three...then four. They have all been "enough" for me. They have all challenged me and made me look at life a little differently. They are all worth every sacrifice, every embarrassing grocery trip and every sleepless night. Our adopted child (whenever he/she is made known to us) will be as well. I didn't fall in love with my kids during pregnancy. I cared for them, but I didn't have the overwhelming love for them until I started caring for them after birth. I had to figure out what each child liked and how to soothe them. I had to get to know them. But within twenty-four hours, it happened. I fell deeply an madly in love with each of them. I expect it will take longer with an adopted child, but I also feel that it will happen through meeting his/her needs. After all, we love those whom we serve. We serve our children most of all and that is true whether we give birth to them or not.
Our house is definitely full. We have two people in each room. But we can make room. One of my sons said the most profound thing one day when I was looking at photolistings. He saw two brothers who needed a home and asked, "Are they orphans?" I said they were. He said, "Let's adopt them." I told him it was a little more complicated than that and he replied, "Look, they need a home and we have plenty of room." Right then, I looked at my home with different eyes. The only reason we couldn't fit more children into this home is if we value "stuff" more than them. We can certainly do without some of the "stuff" that is cluttering up the place.
We are aware that adopting a child, particularly past the infant/toddler age will involve new challenges. We are aware of Reactive Attachment Disorder. We are very aware that our adopted child will have suffered the trauma of being abandoned by his/her birth parents, raised in an orphanage setting, and then taken away to a family of people who are strangers and do not speak his/her language. We know that this will be a challenge like no other. We do not think it will be easy. We know our adopted child will have issues...but tell me one person you know who doesn't? They will be different issues from our biological children, but that doesn't mean we will care any less. We have access to wonderful medical care for physical special needs and we believe in utilizing mental health professionals as needed. It's a fair bet that any child we adopt will need some counseling and we are ready and willing to ensure they (as well as the rest of the family) get it.
Yes, we are crazy, but we don't think that is such a bad thing. We know how to have fun. Impromptu dance party anyone?
We know that we aren't what most people think of when they imagine an adoptive family, but we feel we can make room at our table and in our hearts for one more child. With all we enjoy in our lives, how could we say no?
Yes, we are crazy, but we don't think that is such a bad thing. We know how to have fun. Impromptu dance party anyone?
We know that we aren't what most people think of when they imagine an adoptive family, but we feel we can make room at our table and in our hearts for one more child. With all we enjoy in our lives, how could we say no?
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